What’s it like to have a baby during the pandemic?
To sum it up, it’s a lot. A lot of worry, a lot of anxiety, a lot of accepting things that are out of your control. In March of 2020, New York City was paralyzed by Covid-19. Field hospitals were set up in Central Park. The wailing of ambulances filled the air from sun up to sun down. The state and many parts of the country went into an unprecedented lockdown. I was roughly 12 weeks pregnant. My previously bubbling over joy, excitement and still-lingering nausea were quickly replaced by anxiety and fear.
News had just broken that pregnant women delivering in New York would be required to give birth alone, without a support person by their side. When I read this, I can not tell you the level of dread that I experienced. You don’t need to tell any mother that carrying a baby and giving birth is likely the hardest job that they have ever done. I gave birth to my first son in 2018. Although I’m sure it was unremarkable and run of the mill for the doctor on call, it was arduous, excruciating and quite frankly scary AF for me. Blame it on the hormones, but when I read this report and the subsequent stories of women having to abide by this new rule, I was beside myself. Also, considering that the virus was new and poorly understood, there were mixed reports about its affect on pregnant women and whether or not pregnancy would be considered high risk.
Luckily, my due date was not until the beginning of September, so more information was gathered and shortly after this mandate was put in place, it was lifted. Difficult to say exactly why, but studies have shown that women are more likely to experience complications, hardships and even death at a higher rate when they give birth alone.
The rules at my birthing center were fairly universal compared to other accounts around the country that I have read about. Although my husband was never allowed to come to my doctor’s appointments with me (and missed out on all the ultrasounds), he would be allowed to be there for the birth of our son. Each birthing mother would be allowed one support person of their choosing. There would be no visitors allowed in the hospital. Additionally, my husband would only be allowed to enter once and we would both be required to stay in our room at all times. He would need to wear a mask for our entire stay. If the support person needed to leave for any reason, they would not be allowed to return.
Two weeks before my due date, we were both tested for Covid. I understand that we would have been given rapid tests had I gone into labor sooner. We would be required an additional test if the baby decided to arrive more than a four days late.
2020 was a difficult year for many. In the scope of things, missing out on get-togethers, showers, parties etc. pails in comparison to losing a job or worst of all – a loved one. Nonetheless, it made for a difficult and often lonely pregnancy. My husband and I isolated as best as we could (and still are – we’re low on the totem pole for vaccination). I remind myself that this is temporary, but I often have to listen to the advice I give my toddler at least once a day “waiting is hard, but we have to work on being patient.”
Thankfully, my delivery went smoothly. The birthing ward was uncharacteristically quiet – Maybe it was just chance, but I have heard more people are opening up to home births during this time. The staff were encouraging people to leave as soon as 24 hours after giving birth, assuming everyone is healthy. However, we had switched to a more expensive insurance plan with a lower deductible which we were definitely going to hit. There was no way we were leaving that soon when we had nurses around to help and the ability to lounge around getting to know our new guy.
Fast forward to March of 2021. Our second is now 6 months old, smiley, happy and healthy. It’s been a year since lockdown. In some ways, I almost think we are lucky that we had a baby this year. We’re both home. We probably wouldn’t be doing much anyway. There is no FOMO. There is no missing out. We are sheltering and protecting our family as best as we can.
But on the other hand, I’ll always be sad that none of my friends have held our little love. This will likely be my last baby, so in a way, I feel as if I am mourning the experience of bringing him out in public for everyone to “oooo and ahhh” over. I know these are first world problems, but we feel what we feel. It’s been a year of building family memories, getting REALLY creative with things to do day after day, but it’s also been lonely. I miss my friends. I miss chatting with other adults face to face. I miss play dates and going out to eat, even with a three year old in tow. Our eldest was getting so good at flying and traveling and chatting with strangers. It feels as if we’ll have to start from square one whenever it’s possible to venture out into the world again – not to mention, we’re missing a whole lot of free lap child time!
Just as I tell me son, instead of wallowing we need to look to the light. Both kids, are happy, healthy and safe. They likely won’t remember this time as anything other than time spent at home with mom and dad. Travel will never be taken for granted and hey, the dishes can wait and the house can stay messy – for now, it’s just us.
